I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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