R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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