walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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