I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
