Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
