The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
