i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
