i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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