apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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