Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
