She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
