She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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