the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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