mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
