its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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