don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want nice things and good sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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