I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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