dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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