Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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