You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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