I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
