My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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