There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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