i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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