but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
