and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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