Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So much Jack, so little girl.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
