I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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