Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
