on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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