Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
