look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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