We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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