why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
