Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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