The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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