the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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