I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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