I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
