you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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