dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
