She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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