the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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