To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
