He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
