His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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