i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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