Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
