she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
