I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
