I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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