If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
