Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
